Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

"In Pity as We Kiss and Lie" by John Ciardi is a deeply evocative poem that explores the complexities of human relationships, intimacy, and the search for connection and completeness. Through a series of contrasts and juxtapositions, Ciardi delves into the nuances of love, desire, and the inherent imperfections and compromises that characterize our most intimate moments. The poem oscillates between the physical and the existential, weaving a narrative that is both timeless and acutely personal.

The opening lines immediately establish a tone of gentle contradiction, "Softly wrong, we lie and kiss, heart to heart and thigh to thigh." This phrase suggests an intimacy that is both fulfilling and flawed, where the physical closeness of the lovers is tinged with a sense of something amiss or incomplete. The repetition of "as if" introduces the notion that the act of lying and kissing is an attempt to fulfill an ideal or to mimic a form of connection that is aspired to but not fully realized.

Ciardi employs the motif of "man and woman" as archetypes of human relationships, suggesting that the desire for unity and completeness is a fundamental aspect of the human condition. The reference to "some two in the time of man and woman" who "found it sweet to trade what such half-bodies can that both be made complete" speaks to the universal quest for wholeness through the union with another. This pursuit of completeness, however, is tempered by the recognition that the context for such union is "hardly right but softly true," implying that the circumstances of love and intimacy are often less than ideal but are made authentic by the genuine connection between the individuals.

The poem's refrain, "Softly wrong and hardly right, heart to heart and thigh to thigh," reinforces the theme of intimate contradiction, where the lovers are caught in a dance of closeness and discrepancy. The repetition of "in each other's arms tonight we lie and kiss and kiss and lie" emphasizes the cyclical nature of their interaction, a pattern of physical and emotional engagement that is both satisfying and evasive.

Ciardi questions the relevance of "how, who, why, and when" in the face of the emotional truth of the moment. The inquiry "If he by her and I by you, like man and woman, now and then find each other softly true— what of how, who, why, and when?" suggests that the genuine moments of connection transcend the logistical and existential concerns that often preoccupy our minds.

The poem concludes with a powerful statement of acceptance and compassion, "Till hardly wrong, as mercy is— when and how and who and why— softly right we lie and kiss in pity as we kiss and lie." This line encapsulates the poem's exploration of the complexities of human relationships, where the acknowledgment of imperfection and the extension of pity become acts of love and understanding. The repeated phrase "we lie and kiss and kiss and lie" captures the dual nature of intimacy, where truth and falsehood, fulfillment and longing, coexist in the tender moments shared between lovers.

"In Pity as We Kiss and Lie" is a meditation on the paradoxes of love and the human desire for connection. Through its lyrical exploration of intimacy, Ciardi invites readers to reflect on the beauty and challenges of seeking completeness in another, and the grace that lies in embracing the softly true and hardly right aspects of our relationships.

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