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"Sitting with Myself in the Seton Hall Deli at 12 O'Clock Thursday Before I Read with the Great Poets at the Emily Dickinson Poetry Festival" by Toi Derricotte is an introspective and multilayered poem that navigates the realms of self-doubt, admiration for literary greats, and the quest for self-acceptance. Through a series of reflections and meditations, Derricotte delves into her emotional landscape as she prepares to participate in an event honoring one of America's most revered poets, Emily Dickinson, juxtaposing her feelings of inferiority with a determination to embrace her own voice and experiences.

The poem opens with a stark admission of anticipated inferiority in the presence of esteemed poets. This vulnerability sets the stage for a deeper exploration of the speaker's internal conflicts and the universal human experience of comparing oneself to others, especially to figures who have attained a level of greatness or acclaim.

As the poem progresses, Derricotte turns inward, acknowledging and sitting with her feelings of self-pity and self-doubt. This act of self-compassion and acceptance is a powerful counter to the initial fear of inadequacy, suggesting that acknowledging one's emotions is the first step toward healing and empowerment.

In a direct address to her feelings, the speaker personifies them as a "secret sister," a part of herself that she vows not to deny or forget. This intimate dialogue underscores the importance of self-empathy and the acceptance of all parts of oneself, even those that are painful or uncomfortable.

The reference to Ruth Stone and the invocation of Emily Dickinson serve as bridges between the speaker's personal struggles and the larger literary tradition. Derricotte reflects on the challenges and triumphs of women poets, drawing strength and inspiration from their legacy. The mention of Maxine Kumin's acknowledgment of Dickinson's lasting impact highlights the importance of recognition and support among women in the literary world.

The final sections of the poem grapple with the limitations imposed on women's voices and the ways in which contemporary poets, including Derricotte herself, seek to transcend those restrictions. By explicitly naming experiences and body parts that Dickinson could not, Derricotte asserts the necessity of directness and honesty in addressing issues of sexuality, trauma, and the female body.

The poem culminates in a reflection on the inclusivity of Dickinson's legacy and the desire to hear "all the writings from people's notebooks," a call for the democratization of literary expression and the validation of diverse voices.

"Sitting with Myself in the Seton Hall Deli at 12 O'Clock Thursday Before I Read with the Great Poets at the Emily Dickinson Poetry Festival" is a compelling testament to the complexities of self-identity, the power of literary heritage, and the ongoing struggle for authenticity and recognition in the arts. Through her candid exploration of fear, admiration, and the desire for acceptance, Derricotte contributes a vital voice to the conversation about what it means to be a woman and a poet in the shadow of giants.


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