Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

"The Possessive" by Sharon Olds captures a moment of transformation and the complexities of parental love and identity, particularly focusing on the evolving relationship between a mother and her daughter as the daughter begins to assert her independence. The poem uses vivid and striking imagery to explore the ambivalence of a parent witnessing their child's growth and the simultaneous sense of pride and loss that accompanies it.

The poem begins with the speaker's reflection on her daughter, immediately addressing the notion of possession with the phrase "My daughter—as if I owned her." This opening line sets the tone for the poem, highlighting the inherent tension in the parent-child relationship, where the instinct to possess conflicts with the reality of the child's autonomy. The daughter's hair, described as "wispy as a frayed bellpull," has been sharply cut, transforming into "the blade of new bangs" that "hangs over her red-brown eyes like carbon steel." This imagery of sharpness and cutting not only describes the physical change in the daughter's appearance but also symbolizes the cutting away of childhood and the assertion of a new, independent identity.

The metaphor of hair as "little spliced ropes" being "sliced" further emphasizes the severing of the past and the emergence of a new self. The description of the bangs as a "curtain of dark paper-cuts" adds a layer of danger and fragility, suggesting that this new phase of the daughter's life comes with its own risks and challenges. The mother's reflection on this change is both literal and metaphorical, as she sees her daughter becoming someone distinct and separate from the child she once knew.

The poem poignantly expresses the mother's struggle with this transformation, particularly in the lines "the face that started from next to nothing in my body— My body. My daughter." The repetition and the abruptness of the statement "My body. My daughter." highlight the physical and emotional connection between mother and child, as well as the inevitable separation that comes with growth. The speaker acknowledges the need to "find another word" for her daughter, indicating a recognition that the previous terms of endearment or ownership no longer suffice as the daughter asserts her independence.

As the daughter dons her "bright helmet," a symbol of protection and readiness for the future, she looks at the mother "as if across a great distance." This distance is not only physical but also emotional and existential, representing the growing gap between the child's and the parent's worlds. The "distant fires" glimpsed in the daughter's eyes are metaphorical "watch fires of an enemy," suggesting an impending conflict or struggle as the daughter continues to forge her own path. The phrase "a while before the war starts" evokes a sense of inevitable confrontation, perhaps foreshadowing the typical tensions and clashes that arise during adolescence as children seek to establish their own identities separate from their parents.

"The Possessive" captures the bittersweet nature of parenting, where love and pride are intertwined with fear and a sense of loss. Sharon Olds deftly explores the duality of wanting to protect and hold onto the child while also needing to let go and allow them to grow. The poem's rich imagery and emotional depth highlight the complex dynamics of familial relationships, particularly the challenging transition from dependence to independence. Through this intimate portrayal, Olds sheds light on the universal experience of parents and children navigating the delicate balance of connection and separation.

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