Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Anne Sexton’s "Man and Wife" delves into the complex dynamics of a marriage that has devolved into an existence marked by detachment and routine rather than love or mutual understanding. The poem explores themes of alienation, identity, and the loss of individuality within the confines of a long-term relationship. Through vivid imagery and metaphor, Sexton portrays a union where the partners are bound more by circumstance and shared history than by any meaningful connection.

The poem begins with a reference to Geoffrey Chaucer’s "The Canterbury Tales," specifically the line "To speke of wo that is in manage," which sets the tone for an exploration of the woes inherent in marriage. Sexton immediately establishes the distance between the couple with the stark declaration, "We are not lovers. / We do not even know each other." This blunt admission highlights the emotional chasm that has developed between the two, despite their physical proximity. The metaphor of the couple as "pigeons...that pair who came to the suburbs / by mistake" further emphasizes their dislocation, not only from each other but from the life they perhaps once imagined for themselves.

The pigeons, typically associated with urban settings, are depicted as having forsaken the vibrant life of Boston for the mundane reality of suburban existence. This shift from the lively city to the suburbs symbolizes the couple’s transition from the vitality of their earlier years to the dullness of their current life. The image of the pigeons "bumping their small heads against a blind wall" suggests the futility of their efforts to navigate this new environment, mirroring the couple’s own sense of entrapment in a marriage that no longer fulfills them.

Sexton continues to build on the sense of alienation with the description of the couple as being "together / like strangers in a two-seater outhouse." This comparison to an outhouse, a place associated with waste and discomfort, underscores the unpleasantness of their shared existence. They "have teeth and knees / but they do not speak," indicating that while they are physically present, they are emotionally and spiritually disconnected. The reference to them as "soldiers" who "share the same dirt / and the same blows" further illustrates the idea that their bond is one of necessity and survival rather than love or affection.

The poem’s exploration of the speaker’s internal life adds another layer to the narrative. The speaker reflects on her own development, likening herself to a root growing into the ground, yet dreaming of flight and escape. This imagery of growth and movement contrasts with the reality of her situation, where she remains rooted in a life that stifles her. The speaker’s dreams of "moving up like an elevator" and outgrowing the shoes and dresses that symbolize her past reflect her desire for transformation and liberation. However, these dreams are ultimately unfulfilled, as she remains trapped in the roles and expectations imposed upon her.

Sexton uses the metaphor of the "shoe box" to represent the speaker’s efforts to contain and suppress her true self. The act of "stuffing my heart into a shoe box" suggests a forced diminishment of her emotions and desires, a futile attempt to fit herself into a predetermined mold. The avoidance of the "precious window" and the "wallpaper of the room" further signifies the speaker’s reluctance to confront the reality of her situation, as these elements of the home become symbols of confinement and suffocation.

The poem also touches on the speaker’s relationship with her mother, who is portrayed as a dominant figure in her life. The mother’s role in the "bedtime ritual" of examining the speaker "for flaws" suggests a critical and controlling influence that has shaped the speaker’s sense of self. The speaker’s realization that she "did not know / that my life, in the end, / would run over my mother's like a truck" conveys a sense of inevitability and the cyclical nature of generational patterns. The "small hole in my heart" left from childhood becomes a metaphor for the lasting impact of this relationship, a "deaf spot" that allows the speaker to "hear / the unsaid more clearly," suggesting an acute awareness of the underlying tensions and unspoken truths in her life.

"Man and Wife" is a powerful exploration of the disintegration of a marriage and the personal sacrifices that come with it. Sexton’s use of vivid imagery and metaphor effectively conveys the sense of alienation and loss that defines the couple’s relationship, as well as the speaker’s internal struggle to reconcile her dreams and desires with the reality of her life. The poem ultimately reflects on the ways in which individuals can become trapped by the roles they inhabit, losing themselves in the process, and the enduring impact of these experiences on their sense of self.

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