Classic and Contemporary Poetry: Explained

Alicia Suskin Ostriker’s poem "In the Autumn of My Thirty-Seventh Birthday" is a poignant exploration of midlife, capturing the mix of reflection, anxiety, and the quiet moments of joy and despair that mark this period of life. The poem unfolds in a series of snapshots, each offering a glimpse into the speaker's inner world as she navigates the complexities of aging, motherhood, and the everyday routines that both ground and unsettle her.

The poem opens with the speaker on a bus, a setting that immediately places her in the midst of daily life. The old woman’s comment about the cold rain—"O it’s gonna be a cold rain"—sets a tone of melancholy and foreshadows the introspective mood that permeates the poem. This external observation of the weather mirrors the internal chill the speaker feels as she contemplates her life.

As the speaker leaves her "dreary desk" and walks across the "dreary campus," she reflects on the passage of time. The image of "seed pods / brown hard durable" contrasts sharply with the memory of "timorous cherry blossoms" from the previous spring, symbolizing the transition from the vibrancy of youth to the durability required in later life. The question "Must I go, then? / Must I learn to crawl naked into the cold?" captures the speaker’s reluctance to face the harsh realities of aging, as if the warmth and beauty of life are slipping away, leaving her vulnerable and exposed.

The poem then shifts to another bus ride, where the presence of schoolgirls flirting and shrieking reminds the speaker of the vibrancy of youth—a vibrancy that now feels distant to her. Their carefree energy "penetrates through bus walls and / hurtles for miles through the wet Jersey woods," a powerful image that contrasts their vitality with the speaker's own sense of alienation and the encroaching presence of death, as the bus passes a graveyard.

The domestic scene that follows, with "spaghetti and meatballs" and "Gabriel’s laughter," juxtaposes the warmth of family life with the speaker’s growing sense of emptiness. Despite the presence of loved ones—her children, her partner—there is a "hole / no good thing fills," highlighting the existential void that persists even in moments of supposed contentment. This void is the crux of the speaker’s midlife crisis, a feeling that something essential is missing or unfulfilled despite the outward appearance of a full life.

The poem’s next section introduces a moment of maternal tenderness and unease, as the speaker’s son, Gabriel, speaks of a "mysterious monster" that hides behind him. This image reflects the speaker’s own fears and anxieties, the sense that there is something dark and unknown lurking in the background of her life. The rotting pumpkins in the fields further symbolize decay and the inevitable passage of time, even as the speaker tries to find solace in her son's embrace.

In the final section, the speaker is lying in bed next to her partner, J., who is described as "like a pod," suggesting a sense of enclosure or insulation. She longs for sleep and "healing dreams," a desire for escape from the weight of her thoughts. The conversation with her recently divorced friend, N., who is struggling with depression and the suggestion of taking antidepressants, echoes the speaker’s own struggles with finding meaning and coping with the changes in her life. Gabriel’s "howling" in the night, described as being "like a light bulb / or a dark bulb—confused," captures the turmoil and confusion that both mother and son experience. The speaker’s response, "I go to him," underscores the enduring bond of love and responsibility that, despite everything, pulls her back from the brink.

"In the Autumn of My Thirty-Seventh Birthday" is a deeply introspective poem that captures the complexity of midlife with its blend of nostalgia, resignation, and a lingering sense of hope. Through vivid imagery and a shifting, fragmentary structure, Ostriker invites the reader into the speaker’s intimate reflections on aging, motherhood, and the search for meaning in the midst of life’s relentless passage. The poem’s strength lies in its ability to convey the universality of these experiences, while also grounding them in the particular details of the speaker’s life, creating a rich, layered exploration of what it means to navigate the autumn of one’s life.

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