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MY LORD TOMNODDY, by                     Poet's Biography
First Line: My lord tomnoddy's the son of an earl
Last Line: He's the earl of fitzdotterel's eldest son.
Subject(s): Wit & Humor; Nobility


My Lord Tomnoddy's the son of an Earl,
His hair is straight, but his whiskers curl;
His Lordship's forehead is far from wide,
But there's plenty of room for the brains inside.
He writes his name with indifferent ease,
He's rather uncertain about the 'd's', --
But what does it matter, if three or one,
To the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son?

My Lord Tomnoddy to college went,
Much time he lost, much money he spent;
Rules, and windows, and heads, he broke --
Authorities winked - young men will be a joke!
He never peeped inside of a book --
In two years' time a degree he took;
And the newspapers vaunted the honours won
By the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son.

My Lord Tomnoddy came out in the world,
Waists were tightened, and ringlets curled.
Virgins languished, and matrons smiled --
'Tis true, his Lordship is rather wild;
In very queer places he spends his life;
There's talk of some children, by nobody's wife --
But we mustn't look close into what is done
By the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son.

My Lord Tomnoddy must settle down --
There's a vacant seat in the family town!
('Tis time he should sow his eccentric oats) --
He hasn't the wit to apply for votes:
He cannot e'en learn his election speech,
Three phrases he speaks - a mistake in each!
And then breaks down - but the borough is won
For the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son.

My Lord Tomnoddy prefers the Guards,
(The House is a bore) so! - it's on the cards!
My Lord's a Lieutenant at twenty-three.
A Captain at twenty-six is he --
He never drew a sword, except on drill;
The tricks of parade he has learnt but ill --
A full-blown Colonel at thirty-one
Is the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son.

My Lord Tomnoddy is thirty-four;
The Earl can last but a few years more.
My Lord in the Peers will take his place:
Her Majesty's councils his words will grace.
Office he'll hold, and patronage sway;
Fortunes and lives he will vote away --
And what are his qualifications? - ONE!
He's the Earl of Fitzdotterel's eldest son.





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